Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Something Dark This Way Comes

Busy, Busy Busy. I need a personal assistant. It's cool because if I didn't cram so much stuff into each day, I would wind up procrastinating. I just finished getting my tax paperwork together, my accountant informed today that I can write-off unreimbursed work related expenses. Do you have any idea what one of these Superhero suits costs? I went through four last year.

I have been working with the local precinct in my neighborhood helping them solve some minor crimes lately. I'm a bit conflicted by because I hate the police, maybe I shouldn't say hate how about strongly loathe them. But, I live here and there have been some issues in my 'hood, so since they can't seem to keep it under control I have offered to do my part. Up to this point it's been helping them catch troublesome graffiti artist, car thieves, and small time drug dealers. But, last week the police chief mentioned the disappearance of three teenage girls. He said his officers did a little legwork and they feel as though these girls could be runaways, but he wants me to check into just to be safe.

So, I'm outside reading my book "The Four-Hour Workweek" , and I see a couple of Latina girls walking through the park, they look like cheerleaders so maybe they are coming from an early game. Nothing too noteworthy there so I go back to my book and then I hear the leaves rustling and fell a strong wind fly past me, it looks like a smoke cloud, but it came from out of nowhere, then I see it move towards the girls. I'm thinking.."What the?", and then the cloud envelopes the girls and I hear them scream. It looks like they are fighting the cloud and resisting, but the cloud grabs them and is pulling them down the hill. I'm running to help and I follow the cloud and the girls down a hole near one of the fountains in the park. Then I see a flash of the brightest light ever.

OH MY GOD, I'M BLIND, I can't believe this, what the hell just happened? I've got my Blue tooth in, so I call Terra and recount the whole situation.... and she says one word...LUMINOUS. I give her my locations and she says she will will put out the alert now. I tell her I will wait, but then I hear the blood curdling screams of what sounds like several girls, no time to wait, I jump down the hole and and guide myself towards the sounds of the screams. DAMN, I kinda scared........

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Snakes in the Grass

So I called up Leroy to pick his brain about my girl Debbie and find out if he knew what was going down with her; and he did. Apparently there is some big shake up coming restructuring or something and the Company has decided to use the restructure the move Debbie to another office. So I'm complaining to Leroy that Debbie is one of the most competent people in the office and she happens to make me laugh so I'm pissed, then Leroy dropped the hammer and told me the real reason Debbie was getting the Heave-Ho. Turns out Debbie is not as innocent as I though she was and she has been doing the horizontal tango with a few too many men and possibly a woman in the office. All I could say was " Damn, and you think you know somebody; I didn't think she was like that." How many times have I said that phrase " I didn't think she was like that." Maybe I should stop saying that because apparently a lot of them are just like that. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but there is a time and place for everything.

So I'm sitting in my office still a little bummed about the Debbie situation, then I get a call from Dispatch about this disturbance in the office, so I go to check it out and I find my co-workers about to come to blows, talk about inappropriate, you can read more about that here. Like I said there is a time and a place for everything.

So the other day that bamma Ron stops by again, asking if I wanted to go to lunch, and I tell him it's cool but he's gotta buy because I got no cash(I lied). So we hit up Lauriol Plaza and we small talk about the Redskins and then the weather (the lowest form of conversation), then he gets around to Debbie and he asks if I know why she's being moved and I lie again and tell him. Then he says he's sure I can find out, and If I could get back to him soon, he could give me scoop on someone very close to me. I raised my eyebrow and said"What are you talking about Ronald?" The he asks, " How well do you really know your friends?". I get back to office and now I'm more confused than when I left, how is that Ron, the office gossip doesn't know that Debbie like to get it in (a lot) but he's knows secrets about my friends. Normally I would let this go, because I like to kind of stay above the fray but curiosty is getting the best of me. DAMN Ron.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Back 2 Work

So today is my first day back in the office since my holiday vacation, and it hasn't been easy going. To start off with one of my favorite co-workers Debbie from accounting announced she is leaving but was really vague about why she was leaving and where she is going, oh well I wish her the best. It seems that smart and capable people don't last long around here; I think I'm smart and capable but I'm comfortable here and it works well with the whole super-hero thing.

Also because of all the hardcore partying I did in Times Square my voice a been reduced a deep whisper, which would be cool if I were a midnight love DJ, but I'm not I'm a program coordinator which means a lot of time of the phone. Therefore, making calls this morning has been tough, one lady asked me if I wanted to go out to drinks later, another woman told me my sexy voice a quite unprofessional,and this dude (well I don't want to talk about that). So maybe I'll concentrate on some of my other duties until I regain my voice.

So Ron from procurement stopped and asked me did I hear about Debbie and and I told him I had, then he asked if I knew why she was leaving, I replied no, and then he raised an eyebrow like he knew something. This dude irks me like no other, then he asks me what time I'm going to lunch, which means he'll probably sit next to me. Knowing how Ron works he'll want to trade what he knows about Debbie's departure with some info that I have. What could Ron want from me. I'm going to call Terra and Leroy to see if they know what Ron may be up to.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Happy New Year

OK, so I made it New York City on New Year's Eve. I spoke with the Mayor's Office who assured me that they had the city on lock, but they needed me to keep my cell on just in case. So I met up with some friends and headed straight to the club. The club was cool but just about anywhere that has an Open Bar is cool, right?

It was 9PM so I figured I should take it easy just in case I was needed, so I hung out talkeddanced, generally having a good time until I ran into Tanya. Tanya and I dated what IO consider a long time ago, so whatever happened she should be over by now, Oh no not Tanya this chick holds onto a grudge like a vice grip. She always assumed I was cheating on her, because of my clandestine superhero duties. So after faking pleasantries with her, I needed a drink. Remember I said it was Open Bar, well it was wide open and I took advantage, loss all track of time until my cell went off at 11:50 PM, I thought " You've got to be kidding me" NYPD Chief of Police explained that they had credible evidence that someone was going to do something to the new ball that was going to be dropping in Times Square, and I was the closest to the ball so they wanted me to check it out.

I make my way to ball after a quick costume change and ditching my friends, and I find that there is in fact a sophisticated bomb attached to ball that will detonate in as the countdown reaches zero. So I talk of my new leather gloves, do my energy transfer thing and then head back to the club. The only problem with my power is that you got to do something with the energy that you talk from an object. I was kind of nervous because I was two sheets to wind, and had enough power in my hands to blow-up NYC. So as the countdown started I found a a nice spot outside and released a thunderous explosion into the sky. The million plus people outside just assumed that it was part of the pyrotechnic display. The only problem was that I though I was aiming straight up but I somehow managed to burn a lot of the confetti that was released at midnight, so people got charred confetti on their clothes and in their hair, but they didn't seem to care, and neither did I. I continued to ring in 2008 into the wee hours of the morning. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Monday, December 31, 2007

Special Alert

I'm probably not supposed to do this, but I don't care. I just received a special request from Mayor Bloomberg to be in New York as the ball drops tonight. I pressed him for details to see if he knew of a specific threat, but he said that they just want extra presence in the city tonight just in case. I asked Leroy and Terra if they wanted to join me but they will be keeping their eyes on DC.
I'm hoping all is peaceful, because starting a 9PM I'm going to be at the open bar celebration in Times Square and I really hate doing Superhero stuff when I'm partying, it's a real buzz kill. So Happy New Year and let you know what went down in NYC--good, bad , or otherwise.


The past month has been torture. You may have been wondering where I have been (probably not) and you are probably not going to believe this but here it is..... I was kidnapped, or maybe mannapped is more appropriate.

I was leaving Starbucks with my caramel machiatto in hand when I was knocked unconscious and placed under heavy sedation for several days, they kept me doped up and discombobulated, I didn't know who I was or where I was. When I would awake and start to become alert they would sedate me again. This went on for about a week and half. So I figured out if I didn't make any noise they would not know to come and dope me up again. So I laid there silently and listened to my captors in the next room. From what I could discern they were speaking French and from their accents I could tell they were from North Africa. I can't believe my luck to be kidnapped by Muslim fundamentalist. So I fake like I'm out for another day and I find out that I'm in Morocco and they are holding me because they saw me on TV and thought I would be a valuable hostage.

Two days later they come get me and rough me up a little, and ask me to read a list of their demands, I make the tape but I tell them its pointless. They sent the tapes to FBI, CIA, and Homeland security, when they told me their plan, I laughed and asked did you not notice I'm black, they said they had noticed but thought it wouldn't make a difference, they explained that I am an American Hero and surely America would meet their demands in order to save a hero.

After a few days I discovered that my kidnappers had to be some of dumbest guys alive, it was like watching the Three Stooges operate, so I kinda hung out with them got to know them a little and I assured them that I wouldn't try to escape. All I could really think about was that this is going to greatest excuse to miss work ever. So we played Uno, Scrabble, Taboo, and Scruples (Akmar has some shady scruples), Akmar, Sebok, and Talik are some cool dudes, misguided and dumb but cool. So after 10 days they finally got a response from the CIA , who informed the gang that they were not amused by their joke, the video was returned with a Post-It that read "Black hostage---hilarious". They made a few more attempts but were met with pretty much the same response. Racism in America gotta love it. I told the guys if they attempt this again make sure it's a white woman, preferably blonde.

Then my captors discussed whether or not they were going to have to kill me anyway, and then I decided to stop playing. So I zapped them of almost all of their energy rendering them almost lifeless, found a speed boat on the coast, used the energy I got from their bodies and started the speed boat with them aboard, so they should be somewhere drifting in the middle of the Mediterranean.

I vacationed in Morocco a few more days then decided to call my Mom and get back to my life. I gotta invest in more personal security so that this doesn't happen again, any suggestions??

Monday, December 10, 2007

What Now

So, today it's official my parents divorce is final. I'm officially a bastard, not that being a bastard has anything to do with my parents divorce, I just thought you should now as soon as possible. Anyway, my folks have been dueling for two and half years and I'm glad it's finally over because it was tough to pick sides. I mean I like them both for very different reasons. Mom instilled in me the value of giving back, being kind caring and compassionate for my fellow man. My Dad on the other hand taught me how to be a winner and how to get ahead. His personal motto is "Lead, Follow or get the HELL outta my way". Some call him callous others call him unscrupulous, but I call him Pop and everything I learned about business and how to be happy in life I pretty much got from him. See he taught me at very young age that people ain't shit, most people. Seriously I have tested his theory time and time again and people consistently show me they ain't shit. So with the knowledge that the vast majority of you ain't shit, I look out for #1 (ME, in case you hadn't figured it out) and then I proceed from there. You may say that's kinda cold, but really how can I care to help someone else if everything with me is not cool?

So, sometime my way thinking is diametrically opposed to my position as a Superhero. We are supposed to be selfless and self-sacrificing, like Bruce Willis in Armageddon when he blew up with the meteor that was going to destroy Earth..Nope No Way No how wouldn't been me... But I do what I can, with my awesome powers, and I do mean awesome, you;l hear more about them as you get to know me. But for now just know that I'm AWESOME!